Remind me why we/I are having a weekend away or what?
Babe, I have that feeling that I'm being sidelined again, you, others, whatever. I meant truly, madly, deeply what I said in that email, you mean so much to me. I think you are amazing - funny, great company, great pal, for nights out, for talking, for understanding, you know lots of stuff, out of bed and in, we have huge amounts in common, similar goals, and you fascinate me with the knowledge you have, so much so I was falling for you, geography notwithstanding, nothing like knowing a hot, smart woman for a full-on mindfuck to get your passion out and kick start the imagination to do stuff. But. Yes, that word. I have this dreadful feeling you are not considering me, sidelining me. Am I asking for too much? I know we are not 'going out' any more, but this weekend we are planning is making huge demands on my time and energy, time I don't have right now, though I have energy for both of us. But I thought about it, I made a commitment to you, said I would do something, and I remember that conversation when you were nervous I might not turn up to dinner (it was really lovely, thank you), and I know I couldn't not do it. And actually, I wanted to see you, I wanted to look at you, be with you, look after you, treat you, wash away those worries. But you couldn't even be bothered to respond to the one email about flights etc, a single late text sufficed. Hmm. And then that post. Yes, that one. I told you about the pressures I am under at the moment, the house etc, and that fact seems to be that you ignored all that. Sidelined it. Yeah, it's not your problem I know. But did you think aboutit? Do you consider me? No reason why you should I suppose, the relationship is officially over but still. What to do? Yes, there are some horrible parallels with my past behaviour, and karma can be a positive force (oh, yeah, right, like), but I learn, I try to understand, I try to make things wonderful for the people around me.I don't know babe. What do you want? On? Off? Consideration for each other? Is my problem the openess of it all, one (semi) blogger to another (a real one), the open, on line-ness of it all? Is that it? Am I being too full on, trying to help with the work/finance situation? Is that driving you away? Have I misread things so completely?
I don't know baby. I am so tired sometimes. I just want to understand. Talk to me, please? Tell me what you want, where I stand?
posted by Moggy @ 6:23 PM
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