moggytales

Another one

Whatever comes to pass
Winter will be followed by spring
...Don't cry

posted by Moggy @ 5:22 PM Comments: 1

A poem

The Life That I Have

The life that I have
Is all that I have
And the life that I have
Is yours

The love that I have
Of the life that I have
Is yours and yours and yours.

A sleep I shall have
A rest I shall have
Yet death will be but a pause
For the peace of my years
In the long green grass
Will be yours and yours and yours.

Leo Marks

posted by Moggy @ 6:19 AM Comments: 0

Remind me why we/I are having a weekend away or what?

Babe, I have that feeling that I'm being sidelined again, you, others, whatever. I meant truly, madly, deeply what I said in that email, you mean so much to me. I think you are amazing - funny, great company, great pal, for nights out, for talking, for understanding, you know lots of stuff, out of bed and in, we have huge amounts in common, similar goals, and you fascinate me with the knowledge you have, so much so I was falling for you, geography notwithstanding, nothing like knowing a hot, smart woman for a full-on mindfuck to get your passion out and kick start the imagination to do stuff. But. Yes, that word. I have this dreadful feeling you are not considering me, sidelining me. Am I asking for too much? I know we are not 'going out' any more, but this weekend we are planning is making huge demands on my time and energy, time I don't have right now, though I have energy for both of us. But I thought about it, I made a commitment to you, said I would do something, and I remember that conversation when you were nervous I might not turn up to dinner (it was really lovely, thank you), and I know I couldn't not do it. And actually, I wanted to see you, I wanted to look at you, be with you, look after you, treat you, wash away those worries. But you couldn't even be bothered to respond to the one email about flights etc, a single late text sufficed. Hmm. And then that post. Yes, that one. I told you about the pressures I am under at the moment, the house etc, and that fact seems to be that you ignored all that. Sidelined it. Yeah, it's not your problem I know. But did you think aboutit? Do you consider me? No reason why you should I suppose, the relationship is officially over but still. What to do? Yes, there are some horrible parallels with my past behaviour, and karma can be a positive force (oh, yeah, right, like), but I learn, I try to understand, I try to make things wonderful for the people around me.

I don't know babe. What do you want? On? Off? Consideration for each other? Is my problem the openess of it all, one (semi) blogger to another (a real one), the open, on line-ness of it all? Is that it? Am I being too full on, trying to help with the work/finance situation? Is that driving you away? Have I misread things so completely?

I don't know baby. I am so tired sometimes. I just want to understand. Talk to me, please? Tell me what you want, where I stand?

posted by Moggy @ 6:23 PM Comments: 0

Another quote from the archive...

'The hours that we had together, we loved a lifetimes worth.'

From The Terminator, if you're interested.

posted by Moggy @ 5:26 AM Comments: 2

I am lightning!

You Are Lightning

Beautiful yet dangerous People will stop and watch you when you appear Even though you're capable of random violence You are best known for: your power Your dominant state: performing

posted by Moggy @ 4:48 AM Comments: 0

Friends

"Drab and empty when they are gone. But I guess I just miss my friend."

To save you the bother of Googling that quote, it's from the Shawshank Redemption.

posted by Moggy @ 12:34 AM Comments: 0

A new day dawning

How does it happen then? Those fundamental shifts in ones life, separation, house selling, divorce? What happened to the hopes and aspirations you started out with? The people you meet along your passage through life - where do they go to? Bit much philosophy for this time of morning, but this month is going to be one hell of a struggle, have to pack everything up and put it all in storage. And manage to keep my job, train like a demon for the race, sort things out for the future, try and just live.

Grey day here, reflecting my dullness. Had a good 10 mile run on Sunday morning, followed by 1 1/2 hrs in the gym in the evening, and another hour last night, so that's good at least. Yoga at work today, club run tonight, 8 - 10 miles. Was invited out to see Hundred Reasons in return for a lift but that all went pear shaped when I suggested that we go a bit later so I could get the run in. Never mind. Could go anyway later on, but too complicated to organise, and I am going to need my sleep. It will be fine.

Bye for now

posted by Moggy @ 12:50 AM Comments: 0

You

Thank you, for that phone conversation just now. Means so much. Heads off some of the demons at the passes...

xx

posted by Moggy @ 3:56 PM Comments: 0

Another night

Looking at the phone, no messages, Judas Priest on the TV, 10 Commandments of Rock, Breaking The Law; what a track, fits the depths of despair, 'you don't know what it's like' and all that teen angst crap. Still applies later in life. Foo Fighters; All My Life, Nickelback; This Is How You Remind Me (never made it as a wise man, are we still having fun / I've been down to the bottom of every bottle). What to do? Got the scars.

posted by Moggy @ 3:00 PM Comments: 0

Why we do it

I quite like this, came across it on a general trawl through the running blogs. Thinks it captures the 'why' quite successfully. Thanks Janie.

posted by Moggy @ 5:17 AM Comments: 0

Well, all good things

Yes, the last morning run has been had - a 4K recovery round the lagoon in a gentle 20 mins, legs a bit stiff but it was still pleasant to be up then, chugging along. Showered, room keys handed over, only problem is, is that it isn't very hot today so sunbathing a bit doubtful. A few wispy clouds in the sky. C'mon, Mr Sun, get up! We need you!

Last night was the last night so why not make it a good one, started on a high note, off to that tapas place, very nice indeed, and beautifully presented, run by local girl and windsurfin' Brit boy, yum, and then back to the Club. Drinks beforehand, drinks after, at which point L went to bed and I was left with G, who managed to get quickly drunk and start to go down the road of boring offensiveness. Yawn. So I ditched it and went to bed. No karaoke or dancing for me. Really need a decent wingman. But where? How?

Anyway, had a chat with the ex. She seems to be feeling it a bit, and I care for her, so I'm trying to persuade her to meet up again. Go down to London, check in somewhere nice, do a relaxing spa. And talk. For a long time I went without friends - the joys of being married, so these days friends are hugely important, and some even more so than others. So, we shall see.

posted by Moggy @ 2:09 AM Comments: 0

Wednesday

Another great day! Went for a 20 mile run first thing, almost at sun up. Kept it down to a steady 9 / 10 min pace in prep for the 50 Miler ultra, and 'cos my training partner is still recovering from illness. 3:09:14 for me, I'll work out the actual pace later, but had a pitstop so need to download the times and see where we went. Then off to tennis for another lesson for an hour. Huge lunch, sunbathing, what a day! Now, get the glad rags on, very nice shirt if I say so myself, then into town for tapas, followed by dancing in the onsite disco. Should be fun - am looking forward to sampling a few off the local delicacies, and we are talking fine red Rioja too! Hopefully they will overcome the tried legs.

On to another subject; Why do you have such thoughts about yourself? I think you are gorgeous! I have travelled across the country to see you. You are funny, amusing, well read, we have lots of things in common, similar warped sense of humour. We do great things together! Why that low level of self esteem? It's only geography that's keeping us apart. I know that I can't be there for you in ways that both of us would like but I will always be there for you, if you know what I mean. Just call me, talk to me, tell me how you are feeling. Give me a time and I will call you. Please?

posted by Moggy @ 9:55 AM Comments: 0

A great start to the day

Which is to run a half marathon. Ok, the time wasn't particularly great, 1:42. Hilly route, stomach was playing up, again, legs were a bit tired, but what a lovely morning. Assemble on the running track at 0745, run out into the hills and back. Just lovely, feel the rising sun on your shoulders, breathe clean, pure air with a hint of dew in it, see the little birds chirruping away. Lovely, I say, lovely. 4 times even! Nice and peaceful day today - off to yoga next, then chill by the pool this afternoon, cook some pasta tonight, with local chorizo, then a flick.

So, sounds like you had a disastrous weekend? Come away with me to Marrakesh and i will show off my new found massage skills and smooth those troubles away... Please?

posted by Moggy @ 3:41 AM Comments: 0

More...

So, armed with another pile of coins I can start again. Speaking of positive mental attitude, it strikes me there is just so much out there. Thanks L3, you've been an absolute star. And it ain't over yet by a long chalk (where does that come from?). I have ideas. And I miss you. Really do. I know you float along a bit and I don't but we can work something out.

The next section of my notes started at 02.32 which is must have been when I went back to the room again:- Do I expect too much from my friends, of whichever depth or shade they may be? Instant accessability (the curse of the modern textual / email generation)? For intance, guests should behave like guests, turn up on time, entertain, be pleasurable company. Want to be invited back? It ain't rocket science. But friends? How much should I accept them for what they are? Do so few people want to progress, move on, understand?

And family. What about them? It occurred to me that not one of them rang up when I separated to say, hey, sorry to hear it, what can I do, just call if you need anything etc. Fuck 'em.

Am I too intense, overwhelming, full on?

So back to the the present. Not bad, the above, considering. Am keeping a list of my alcohol consumption this week. Makes for interesting reading. The above sounds almost coherent anyway. Am going to go dry for the next couple of weeks before my next marathon in Marrakesh at the end of January.

Had a laid back day today. Went for a 21km bike ride this morning, but cut it short due to boredom and sore arse from two spinning classes! Chilled by the pool or dozed on my bed for most of the day. Early bed tonight as I'm doing the 1/2 marathon tomorrow morning at dark o'clock - no booze either. It'll be a slow one but I'm looking forward to it.

I am keeing the usual log of training here so I'll put together a table when I get back and chuck it on here for light reading. Then it's off and running into many hours of training for my Californian 50M - ha!

Cheers all!

posted by Moggy @ 1:46 PM Comments: 0

Fun in the sun

Well, that was some night. Went out for paella, a few drinks, a firework display at midnight and off dancing afterwards. At least that was the theory. Started off the day with a hilly 6M, bit slow, then a tennis lesson - that was fun! And then in the afternoon went to a sports massage on legs class, very interesting. And some good skills to take home with me. But the evening. Certainly went for a couple of pints, then had the paella - I like all that Mediterranean diet jazz, and will be doing some more of it when I get back, including North African too. Anyway, whilst the other two went for cocktails, I went back to the room, showered, changed, blah, came back and met them for a cocktail myself, a couple of glasses of wine, white this time, good for lactic apparently, and also slows me down as I don't like it as much as red. Watched the entertainment, and then at 11 decided to post. Western Hemisphere, the Net, posting just before new year? Crap idea, mate. Sticking 1 Euro coins in the meter and watching my life tick away whilst nothing at all happened on a blank screen. Mad, overwhelming despair and anger. Who texted me? Only 1 person unprompted. Etc. That blasted WB Yeats poem rattling around in my head. Flatmate knocking back the vodka and cokes like there's no tomorrow - road smash waiting to happen. G disappears back to the room to go to the loo. After getting even more angry at not being able to log on go back to the room to see the flatmate lying there in her puke, so get her up and into the bathroom, strip duvet, then haul her out as G needs the loo - allergic reaction to shellfish, confronted by sight of him scurrying into the bathroom to be sick or whatever. See flatmate puke up some more, so get her up, strip her bed completely, take most of her clothes off, chuck everything out onto the patio. Etc. The stink. The seasonal joy. Actually, in a bizarre way, where were the cameras, it was all quite funny, and cheered me up no end! I had the same paella and felt fucking great! In fact, I felt completely on top of everything. Positive mental attitude to the whole thing. Loose 3kgs will put me at fighting weight.

Gotta go and change computers - run out of 2 Euro coins.

posted by Moggy @ 5:26 AM Comments: 0